Clinical Applications of Bowen Family Systems Theory. Haworth Press, Inc., New York. 1998.
“The driving force in triangulation is automatic discomfort resulting from a lack of agreement on an issue. The process becomes one of substitution. Rather than resolve the discomfort in the two-person relationship in which it exists, one or both of the individuals seek assurance through agreement with another individual or source of authority. The original problem or dilemma remains and, in fact, most often grows in complexity. Over a lifetime, the load can become heavy. If every individual carries behind him or her a “wagon” full of issues and relationships that remain unresolved over a lifetime, the burden becomes immense. Issues and unresolved emotionality do not go away. Only closure, facing facts, being accountable to one’s own contributions to problems, not blaming self for being imperfect, and not blaming others for what they are not able to do better can protect a life journey from old, heavy, negative baggage that is carried until death. Such closure is not possible unless issues and unresolved dilemmas are kept between the two individuals with whom they belong. This is only possible when the two have the emotional strength to stand in the midst of personal discomfort and the discipline not to seek approval and agreement from outsiders. It is only possible to build solid, personal relationships when triangulation can be avoided and reckoning with issues becomes possible. find a new domain name . british airways site down .